Hello and welcome back you, you lot. It's been another one of those times where I reject my blog completely and take a long, much needed break. It's certainly not the first time I've ran away and gone totally MIA, and I am sorry for being such a flake. Honestly, I think I've got some explainging to do...
A few months have passed and I've fallen out of love with my blog. I love the idea of having a website and creating everything that goes along with it, but as I've said many times before - it's hard. So hard that I had to take some time out. I'm constantly shooting and styling, but having the time to put it all together over on this page is the part I'm finding difficult. I re-tweeted a very humourous and VERY true statement recently, reading that anyone who is working 40+ hours a week and does creative work outside of it isn't ignoring their friends, they just can't function with anything else in their life right now. That's me and the majority of the part-time blogging communitee down to a T. Recently I've been putting my friends last, luckily most of them are like-minded individuals so they know the drill and are always up for helping when needed, but finding time to shut off and chill out with them is nearly impossible. Even relaxing by myself is something that doesn't happen as much as it should!
It's not that I want to stop blogging, I can't think of anything worse than giving the whole thing up completely. But I just want the work I put out their to be noticed. It's a complete swings and roundabouts situation, let me break it down for you. I want to succeed and become something, get myself out there and create content, but I have such little time and energy It's nearly impossible. But similarly, if I stop or take time off then I won't get anywhere in blogging or life in general. I hate being a quitter and it's something I really don't want to have to do, I just wish I had all the time in the world to put my all in to what I love doing.
I enjoy my job, but it's not on the same level as this. If I could pack it all in and work 40 hours a week on this website and my socials, then I'd be one happy human being, I'd even work overtime and push myself to the absolute limits if I could. I sadly haven't had my 'big break' yet, and I know it's because I am not 100% committed. Everything needs your undivided attention if you want to succeed in life, it's rare you can half-arse something and for it to be the best thing on the planet. I have bills to pay and mouths to feed (that's a lyric from this classic Cage The Elephant song, BTW) so I have to work my 9-5 job to get by. It's so easy to get deflated and let these things effect your creativity, it sure as hell has sucked the love I once had for it all out of me.
That being said, last week I had my moment of realisation, my kick up the backside if you will. No one I idolise in life has gotten where they are today without feeling this way. I know this through people I know personally, those who have started from nothing and worked so hard at what they love to be able to take it and make it a reality, a source of income and a most importantly their lifestyle.
We all go through our ups and downs, falling in and out of love and changing our minds on what we want out of our short lives. I've decided to finally get over myself. I can no longer sit around (not that I have anytime to actually do that, but you know what I mean) and wait for opportunities to fall at my feet, or for blog posts to magically get written. I need to put my all in and do it, because if I love it, then why wouldn't I?
I thought that giving my blog a total re-design would help me get out of this nasty funk, and it worked. I've moved from the rusty old Blogger to shiny Square Space, and boy don't I feel like a professional now. Little things like that can help massively when you need a boost. I've also got back into shooting with some amazing local photographers now I've changed my location to Manchester. I'm quite a hard to please person when it comes to the photography I post over here, but I've been so lucky to have worked with some serious talent recently which has really pushed me into the right gear. I've got to hand it to the people in my life who constantly try to help me, by pushing me to carry on and giving me a hand when I need it. I couldn't do it without any of my nearest and dearest!
I'm finally feeling so excited to put my all into this website and share what I've been working on with you. I've put all of the blood, sweat and tears I have remaining after I get home from my long day at work to create this content, and I know it'll all be worth it in the end. Sometimes you need a break-up to realise if you were meant to be or not. I've come to realise that it is meant to be, and I will work SO hard to make it good.
So I guess I should say welcome, welcome to a whole new bigger and better CJCARPENTER.CO.UK. I'll be posting more than just fashion, I'll be sharing my photoshoots, lifestyle writtings and everything inbetween...
SHOT BY FRASER COTTRELL
WEARING | TOP - NEW GIRL ORDER | JEANS - ZARA | JACKET - VINTAGE | SUNGLASSES - TOPSHOP