I haven't been blogging for a while, it's been an on and off hobby for some time. This isn't because of my usual excuse of life getting in the way, it goes far deeper than that this time. I've been struggling with self confidence and not of the appearance kind. I've started to feel low about my ability to write and create which is upsetting me to no end. I feel like I've always been a creative person, I was always terrible at math and anything that needed my brain to function even slightly, so being creative always made me feel comfortable and like I am actually capable of doing something good.

As of late, this hasn't been the case, I've struggled to pluck up the courage to open up Blogger and let my fingers do the talking. I have come to the bitter realisation that writing isn't something I'm that good at, it's more of a 'where do I put this comma' sort of thing, but I do struggle on knowing how to string a sentence together too. It kills me that I don't even know how to use proper punctuation, or that I write a paragraph full of useless mumbles that is hard to read. It's definitely top level embarrassment when you have to start getting some poor sod to proof read your posts, especially when it's a post about this subject - awkward! I've got myself really worked up over this and it hurts that this is yet another thing I probably suck at.

It's even harder to feel confident when you're surrounded by incredibly talented people who have no issues spewing out some impressive conversation time and time again. Not only do they know how to speak proper English, but they seem to excel in every form of anything. Why do some people have to be good at quite literally everything?

This sounds like a pity party but I always feel it's good to share emotion of this sort just in case some of you are struggling with this too. This has been eating away at me for weeks and it's time I got the fuck over it, I need to wipe away my sorry for myself tears and get back to it! I shouldn't be putting myself down like this but it is hard to feel good at things when the majority of people around you do it so much better than you. I'm inspired by many of my 'internet friends' to make regular content but when I can't even inspire myself, how can I? I need to give myself a slap round the face and a bit of tough love and say GET OVER IT. Who cares if my paragraphs don't end the way they should, or I used the wrong version of 'there', it's not the end of the world! I'm not publishing my posts onto a page of a book, I am simply using this platform to casually create content that means a great deal to me. I love seeing my work on a web page that I've worked so hard to make and although it may not be the most professional blog you did ever see, it's mine and I adore it.

I'm quite a sloppy person so I'm all for blog posts that feel like a casual conversation between friends which probably means if you're looking for a blog that is beautifully written using fancy words and keyboard symbols I have never seen, this maybe isn't the one for you, but I would like it if you stayed. Let's just have fun and leave the judgement behind, it's not that much of a big deal that I didn't use a full stop when I should of somewhere in this post, right? I'm not the next Jack Kerouac but I applaud you if you are! I wish I was but I accept myself as I come.

You do you, don't try and sound like a different person or try to mimic other people and their content. Be yourself, even if that means people can't understand you sometimes...

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